.you showed me.

and then there is this,
the best rant about housing in new york

.hungover.

(I don't know
why
the last post is so very small)

But this
(this right here - it's a link dumbasses)
is what should be
on the subway.

.in chinatown.

subway rules and, of course, rants. part one:

* Men, I don't care if its sexist or whatever, give up your seat for me or any other woman who comes on. I've been wearing insane shoes all day (wedges with the base less than 1/2 an inch) and I want to fucking sit down. Men, no matter what you think, you're shoes are not uncomfortable. Mine are. Move it.

* Anyone over 300 lbs. shouldn't really take the subway. It's a lot of stairs - take the bus. I don't care. I'm not a skinny mini, but you people take up why too much space and when you huff and puff up the stairs I feel bad. Really, really bad. But angry. Mostly angry.

* If you can take the V train, take it. Get the fuck off the F train.

* Guys: don't flirt/hit on/whatever with girls. It's fucking gross but mostly annoying. Life doesn't work that way; except for that guy with the weird hair and the rose cheeked Aussie (cynic me says: give them a month but romantic me says: how cute, I hope they make it). Just because you are listening to Barry White on full blast on your headphones doesn't mean you're romantic. I had to sit next to a nice girl and the guy facing her wouldn't leave her alone. She was polite but had to get off at the next stop and get on the next car. Screw you guys.

* Mariachi bands - you are not welcome. Why are they always so small?

* You are so not allowed to open your bags and put out an entire meal out and eat it like you're at home. What is that? Why?

* Don't sit with your legs stretched out when it's packed - that is so not cool

* Don't sit with your legs open wide taking up essentially two seats - that is so not cool.

* Morning: I'm sleepy, I don't want to be awake. Night: fuck you I fucking hate you.

* You know what's easier than reading a book? Reading a book without your fucking sunglasses on. What the fuck is that? Am I suppose to be impressed? Or think you're a celebrity? I don't think they take the '2'. I hate you. I really do.

* Don't sit at the seat under the map! People lean over you and its really annoying. People should just buy one of those credit card sized maps or the ones that you can put on your iPod.

* Guys (again): If a girl is sitting and you're standing - face away. Do not put your crotch in my face. It's gross but there is no where else to look and I will look at your crotch. Not because I think you're gosh so handsome with your sweat covered shirt and hair coming out of every angle but I wish I weren't look at your and your crotch. Ew!

* Take your backpack off! For the love of fucking god! It's taking up so much room and know where there's room to put it, on the floor. You know where legs which are, in general, much thinner than people's shoulder's span. Why are there so many people walking around that look like they're hiking? Where are you hiking? Why don't I know about this?

* Family of southern hick idiots. Just don't go on the subway. I hate you. Everyone hates you with your 'I Heart New York' shirts.

* Move to the center of the train! What's wrong with you people?!?! Move!

* Let people off the train! Can you not hear the conductor? Are you the rudest human being on the planet? You're not getting a seat anyways so just stop it.

* It was me who farted. Get over it.

* Don't go on the subway with your coffee. If need to explain that than you're a lost cause.

* Mind the gap. Really.

* If you just got through the turntables and hear the train coming in; you won't make it so don't push past me to try and get it. I would trip you if the fall was bigger but at that distance there wouldn't really be much damage.

* Don't get to the surface and stand their like a fish out of water. Move. Okay, so you don't know where you're going but I do so get out of my way!

* If a train comes in packed you should get on it and push and push until you do. You know why? Because there is a train directly behind the one you're pushing onto and that one is empty and therefor, more room for me. Hooray! I win!

* Don't ask because, yes, that is urine.


I'll think of more but I'm usually too angry to remember. God damn MTA. Fucking $2 a ride. Uuuuugggghhhh. And the only other way to get to work is the M23 which is slower than a chicken! No really! It is!

.and I was really in love.

Why does every song tell me to dance?
I do not wish to dance. I wish sit here and
calmly
listen to this song.

Thank you.

.looked into your eyes.

this post
old news in new york

the surveillance images
of the preppy killer
in his newest
blunder

jackass.
"tiny girl raped me in central park"
biggest douche
of new york

and that takes a lot

but these photos
are great
the pairing of them
is genius
great composition

don't you think?

.five in the morning.

Good news children.
Celebrate for one more year.
And a year after that.
Will every year be the last?
(another chance to be in the
mermaid parade)
Hooray!

.your boy's smile.

Dear F Train:

everyone hates you.
everyone.

people who have lived here
for weeks
or
for decades.

i failed you on your report card.
and i enjoyed every moment of it.

i hate you so much.
(yet i need you everyday)
fuck you.

-me

.have done it with you.

has anyone
noticed
that
Andy Samberg
can do or say whatever he wants
now.

i think most of his stuff is
pretty funny.

but he seems so
fucking smug.

i think i would
punch him in the face
if i ever saw him eating on the street.

no hard feelings or anything.
i just would.
just...cause.

.but i'd rather.

or subtitled: why gossip girl is the best new york show, ever.

- The only areas in manhattan are apparently Upper East Side and "downtown"

- The completely non-sense reasoning behind the character's actions (dad's gay so I'm a bitch)

- The "poor" family lives in "brooklynville"

- But they live (I think) above the gallery the dad owns called Bedford Avenue Gallery

- Dad says he's sorry for his lack of money but the cost of living in that area and owning an amazing loft apartment is much more than the private school education that he's providing for his two teens

- Though with their weird timeline he would have been like 15 when he had the eldest teen

- The fact that the gothamist covers it with each episode.

- The fact that the Gothamist exposed that the bitchy girl's party was actually shot in LIC (Long Island City, Queens). Like, ewwww, Queens.

- Lonely boy Dan looks my age (and imdb check says....yes! he's only a year younger than myself)

- Suicidal brother is the only one who looks the correct age (and imdb check says...yes! he's actually 17)

- Suicidal brother is in a rehab center that always someone to easily sneak him and take him to marquee (non-ny-ers: infamously obnoxious club that has standards of entry beyond comprehension - it is also mentioned in ugly betty for being the scene of a car crash involving a donatella versace-esq woman or the worst place to take anyone straight out of rehab, the lindasy lohan effect)

- There are "uniforms" at this private school they go to which translate into any sort of variation of trendy woman/mens wear. Example: Serena wears knee high riding boots, grey shorts, a white tank top, a sort of flimsy vest and a loose tie while others may wear a gwen stefani version of japanese school girl.

- The "bitchy" girl's "best friends" are an asian and a black girl that never say a word and dress exactly how you would stereotype them...it's amazingly archaic

- The new girl, the one whose dad says "brooklynville" is the girl from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Classic.

- Two of the characters are forced to stay into a relationship because their families have companies that might do business with each other and they want to keep it that way. Fabulous.

- The bitchy girl is a virgin if I remember correctly. A slutty, slutty virgin.

- There are no homosexuals in the Upper East Side - except for the bitchy girl's father, who left.

- Everyone drinks (underage drinks) but no one smokes. Thank you new government standards. Teach the kids that cigarettes are so not cool but drinking and flirting with 30 year old strangers is perfectly acceptable television (oh, this drinking never makes anyone sick or, so far, has any consequences except for making people, like, so much more fun)

- A fun casual shopping trip includes a stop at Bergdorf Goodman. Where you can buy this ridiculously priced outfit. I know this is perfectly acceptable for rich UESers, but I still don't have to like. Show me some smoking!

- And last but not least, the complete lacking of acting skills by all the actors and the fact that I would never ever want that to change.

.a tall building.

i'm awake
after a day when the only thing i could
think about it
was going to bed.
early.

they're filming a movie
right outside my window.

it's a new years scene
so now they're making
snow
and it's
70 degrees
right now.
it keeps melting.
so they keep making it.

it's so bright.
and no one
can sleep.

so we're all sitting in our windows.
tired.
watching the filming.

so tired.
but so fascinating.

.off the top of.

despite all my
complainings
and
negative observations

this is the cutest, most clever commercial i've ever seen.

it is so well designed.

and these (and this) posters are pretty amazing as well.

.threw my bad fortune.

when i come home from work.
i get off at west 4th on the C/E.
and i
walk down
to catch the
F.
every step down
the heat overwhelms me more.

like i'm going to the
5th circle of hell.
swamp.
but with no water.
and Hermes isn't waiting for me.
just the F train.
with it's cranky conductors.
who say things like:
"this is delancy street on the brooklyn bound F train, next stop is...next stop is...next stop is I don't know"

(if i only made these things up)

(flip record to side 1B)

i left for work.
got in the elevator with a girl.
walked out,
it was
freezy
went to the ATM
came back
and waiting for the elevator
was the same girl.
"you forget something too?"

it was just a
moment
i liked.

.lights.

New Yorkers want you
to feel like
your in an
exclusive club
with rules and ways of doing things
but in reality
it's an overpriced membership to the YMCA

.the bright.

Glad someone else wrote about this
because
I thought I was crazy
for thinking the
same.

Week in Review
Curbside, We’ll Never Have Paris
By FRANK BRUNI
Published: September 30, 2007
New York cafes, where the elbows on your table aren’t
necessarily yours

.now turn on.

okay,
here it is
me being tired of being stoic
tired of pretending it's all okay
i'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired
to use an old saying.

i'm on this island.
will all sorts of ways of
coming
and going.
and millions of people.

i have no friends.
i have a job
(not even a job)
that has a great name
and i
essentially
fucking hate it.

i'm a shell at work.
i'm a shell when i get home.
i'm always tired
and i have nothing to say

but i'm tired of playing devil's advocate
in my own life.

there are a million things to do in this city.
but when you're miserable
and alone
you don't want to do a single one.
you want to curl up in bed and cry.
but then you'll feel bad about crying.
there i go again, playing both sides.

my friends don't call me.
god forbid they move beyond the computer screen.
and the ones that do, they don't want to hear this crap.

so many miserable people just want to give up and die.

i just want to live.

i've been alive 22 years and sometimes I feel like I haven't lived a single day of my life.

.it's up to me.

in this blog
subtitled: life vs. MTA

today

the MTA won.

.somehow i'm not impressed.

dear dan deacon:

go away

forever!

-me

.i know you've supported me for a long time.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
is speaking at
Columbia
which people think is a mistake
he's allowed to.
should universities only have
speakers
who are liberal or butt buddies to Bush?

Columbia's Public Affairs dean
John Coatsworth
said he'd invite Hilter to
engage in
debate.

a debate is, oddly enough
you idiots
a count-counterpoint.
that means one person has one opinion
the other person has the opposite.
a debate is not an
agreement.

Hilter thought the slaughtering of Jews and gays and others
was
just okay in his book.
Ahmadinejad didn't think it happened.

I disagree with both.
I'd be open to a debate.

.and the pavements, they are a mess.

i went to central park
the gardens by 106th
and they're cute
and i was walking uphill
when, in a second,
it started to pour.

i stood under a tree.
with some runners
but who knew when it would end.
so kept walking
up the dirt mounds.

and getting some great photos.

and the rain let up.
and then it didn't - it started again.

so i stood there at the mount sinai
nursing building.
getting dry.
then i gave up.
and walked and walked in the rain
(no,
it was only 6 blocks)

and i was soaked.
but i got some great photos.