.that leaks.

Yeah! Oscars! Well, not really because this past year really sucked for movies. Sure, I enjoyed a couple, but they were far and few between. I was watching one of my favorite movies, American Splendor, which came out in 2003 and thought, man, indie films just aren't as good. 2003 was a great year for movies. As was 2004. But 2009, blah. Usually I can't wait to see all the Best Picture nominees but alas, not this year. With that said, here's my commentary on the nominees and my picks (this year I'm going with my heart - whoo hoo!):

BEST SHORT DOCUMENTARY/ANIMATION - I have no idea and therefor picked the one with the cutest name, A Matter of Loaf and Death. Awwww.

BEST DOCUMENTARY - I don't even know. And I usually always know. Sigh.

BEST FOREIGN - Again, I usually know, but this year I'm at a loss. Even though the Academy sometimes has odd taste in foreign films (last year Waltz with Bashir lost, seriously?) Um...let's go with the Frenchy!

BEST ANIMATED - I don't think it's fair that one of the nominees, Up, is in this category and Best Picture. That's sort of mean to the other filmmakers, am I right? But I did hear The Fantastic Mr. Fox was great and I really loved Coraline and it's artistic use of 3D (not just things popping in your face). It's Up - did you not cry in the first 10 minutes? Yes, yes you did.

BEST VISUALS/EDITING/CINEMATOGRAPHY/MIXING - In all these techie awards (which I don't understand why they aren't given out at the Techie Oscars for all the behind the scenes people who rarely see daylight - and hilariously always feature a host that is a hot young actress - gotta know your audience) I'm going with The Hurt Locker when possible 'cause fuck James Cameron.

BEST SONG - Randy Newman is back! But will loose to T-Bone Burnett for his Crazy Heart song. Why? Because it's T-Bone Burnett one of the greatest living music producers and singer/writer of one of my favorite songs, Earlier Baghdad (The Bounce). I heard it unplugged on the radio and almost cried because it was so wonderful. Also, his name is T-Bone. Sweeeeet.

BEST MAKE-UP AND COSTUME - I'm not usually good at this sort of thing because I think they all look great. I love costumes....sigh.

BEST ART DIRECTION and SOUNDTRACK - I'm going with my gut and saying Sherlock Holmes because yes I liked the movie but one of the first things I thought was wow, what a great soundtrack and the art direction is spot on. Even if you hate RDJ (how?! why?!) and think the plot is stupid (it isn't) you'll really like the feeling of the entire movie - it's technically very good and should get the recognition it deserves. That and Guy Ritchie survived a marriage to Madonna. Good for you!

BEST SCREENPLAY (ORIGINAL) - Give it to Taratino. He'll give the best speech.....Mother fucker.

BEST SCREENPLAY (ADAPTED) - I love that Nick Horby is nominated. Top 5! Good job. But I freaking loved In the Loop and thought it was one of the most well written, clever scripts in a really long time. The only reason it hasn't done better, I guess, is that it's super, super political and British (the Scottish guy gets pissed at an American because he called him English - my boyfriend and I agreed that most people didn't get it) which I guess turns people off. Yes, I know you have to listen to what they're saying and follow the dialogue and not just look at the pretty blue people. It's soooo hard. Idiots.

BEST DIRECTOR - If Cameron gets this I'll throw something at the TV. Not joking. Kathryn Bigelow will get it because the Academy will looooove themselves for finally giving it to a woman. Honestly, a woman has never won this award and looking back I can't think of any who deserved it. I think people are also thrown off that a woman could direct a war movie and not some rom-com or Beaches type thing. Yes, all us woman like to do it watch weepy movies.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR AND ACTRESS - Mo'Nique (I loath stupid spellings of names. LOATH it) and Waltz. Duh. Although Woody Fucking Harrelson (don't get it. Rent Zombieland) is awesome and I would like to have a drink with him (Cheers? Cheers? Anyone? Nevermind).

BEST ACTOR - Again, duh. The Dude. The Dude for President/Leader of the Universe. Jeff Bridges is one of the coolest people on the planet and will be in Tron 2. Seriously. He's 60 and will be in Tron 2. Awesome.

BEST ACTRESS (breaking it down):

• Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) - Sorry Mom but fuck Sandra Bullock. Seriously. I'm not even kidding when I say she's in some of the most mediocre (if not awful) movies of the last 15 years and when the Blind Side ads came out saying she'd be nominated for an Oscar we all laughed and laughed because it's Saundra Bullock. Watching her try to be serious (Infamous, Crash, etc.) is painful. Cross my heart painful. Yes, she's very sweet and sometimes says funny things but no, no, no. She's like Julia Roberts - everyone loves her but me and I'm left standing there thinking, I just don't get it. But she might get it because in the last few years the Academy has decided to give it to pretty, popular actresses who make one okay, over dramatic movie out of a career of crap (ie: Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Helen Hun, Gwyneth Paltrow and to a lesser extent Reese Witherspoon - who was in Election so I can't hate her)
  
• Helen Mirren (The Last Station) - The What Station? Huh? Was this movie released in more than two theaters?
• Carey Mulligan (An Education) - Winner. Yep, I know, I'm going for the unknown. I think she'll pull an Adrien Brody and upset all the more established actors. She'll also uphold the time honored tradition of the next movie the Best Actress winner is in will suck by appearing in Wall Street 2 (no, I'm not making that up). She's also elegant and a cutie and I generally like her even if she's dating Shia LaBeouf (when did he stop appearing in fun indie movies - ie: The Battle of Shaker Heights - and become a dick? I would like to know the exact moment. Signing the Transformers contract? Yes, that has to be it)
  
• Gabourey Sidibe (Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire) - Have you heard this girl speak? She's is one of the funniest, most well spoken actresses I've heard. Her smile makes me happy. I would love to see her win...but she won't.
• Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia) - Do you think she's tired on being nominated? I do. She wasn't even paying attention when they were reading her name at the Golden Globes. She was reading something with her husband. Ha! If Mulligan don't get it I think Streep will. She's likable and a great actress who has proven she can do any role.

(and finally) BEST PICTURE (breaking it down, again) (PS: I dig the ten movies idea but it's a shame it started up in a year that sucked for movies)

• Avatar - Boo.
  
• The Blind Side - Bleh.
  
• District 9 - Dorks rejoice!
• An Education - Nope.
• The Hurt Locker - Yep.
• Inglorious Basterds - Ineligible for spelling error.
• Precious - Spent too much time crying - no one actually saw the movie
• A Serious Man - Not a snowballs chance in hell (see below)
  
• Up - Too cute.
  
• Up in the Air - Boring.

Anyone who has half a brain and isn't blind/deaf/dumb/can't-play-a-mean-pinball knows that A Serious Man was the best movie last year. Hands down. Like, nothing came close to it. Well written, great, natural acting, beautifully shot and a subtle, intelligent script with a hell of an ending. Coen brothers=gods. Ends of story.
RECAP:
In the Loop and Serious Man - Best movies of 2009
Up - Cute and sad.
Where the Wild Things Are - NO NOMINATIONS!?!?
Avatar - Blow me.
Hosts - Eh.
RDJ - future husband.
Carey Mulligan - get new boyfriend.
Best Cameo in a Motion Picture - Zombieland

Well, that's it.Thanks for sticking with this craziness. I'll be chowing down on some pizza leftovers and veggie chili in Baltimore. See you next week to report on the awesomeness known as jury duty. Ta kids!



(good luck goober!)