.burn your forget-me-nots.

Best overheard quote, I think I've heard....ever:

"a shot of tequila and a pork chop and....*laughs*...well, you know"

Thank you Fort Greene residents.

.and I'll sink it first.

People ask me why I
hate
Mayor Bloomberg
so much,
and outside his failures regarding
everything in the school system,
it's his complete
lack of connection to anything/anyone in modern New York City
that bothers me most.

It's mostly exemplified in this quote:

"There aren't very many panhandlers left, in all fairness to the MTA, come on."

Well,
no,
there aren't many people handling
actual pans
on the subway
(looking for gold?)
but if by panhandler you mean homeless person wandering
car to car
asking for money
then
yes, I believe there are quite a bit left.

Sorry buddy, you struck out again.

And even if the MTA
kicked them off the subway
you still haven't addressed the problem that
~3,000 people live on the street
and
~38,000 people live in shelters.


God, I hate you.

.I'll find your answering machine.

Hi,
I haven't been around for awhile
so...
....
...
here's a Tardigrade,
the only creature that was able to
live in space.

(and here are some more picture....bitches)

.so before I get through.

It used to be a
gambling parlour
then a plaque engraver
then a fashion shop
then a trinket shop
and now,
across the street from me,
is a Buddhist Temple-thingie
(at least I think).

They had a super cool ribbon cutting
ceromony on Sunday,
very effectively distracting me on a call with my mother.

To quote Peter Griffin
Now I like the hat and I like the scarf, so we're doing this

.i've got a message.

I watched Annie Hall again this afternoon
and realized
that this sort of person,
is my least favorite person
of them all,
and I'm
terrified of being one of them:

.i'll never be sure.

TINY NEW YORK!!!!!

Panorama at the Queens Museum of Art

It's only thing you did

right

Robert Moses. 

.i think they'd understand my plan.

I've decided,
for some reason,
maybe a challenge to myself,
to redesign the covers of
all the books I read this year,
except for McSweeney's because they are perfect as is.

Just little sketchs and such.
Here's the first,
for Alex Kudera's Fight for Your Long Day:

.i'll sacrifice friends.

Still alive!

Survived the Oscars
(barely - with an audible gasp and a shoe in hand to throw at the TV after David Fincher lost!)

Survived the coldest bits of winter's crusty asshole.

Survived this.

Survived that.

Barely surviving my crippling fears of isolation and failure.

Let's see what spring brings.....

OSCAR LEAD UP: Part Two - The Others

In this section I wanted to talk about my three favorite movies that weren't recognized this year with heaps of awards and attention (ie: The Kings Speech and The Social Network). 

-----------

Never Let Me Go was my favorite movie this year (despite being dubbed not only pretentious but also the worst movie of the year by one of the critic at Time Out New York - but I think they never seem to have strong views on anything). It was one of those movies I was so excited to see and it didn't let me down unlike mostly everything else I saw this year. The plot, in short, is a dystopian Britain (stay with me, really) where children are cloned and raised to harvest their organs. They start "donating" around 30 and "complete" after three donations. The story centers around three friends (Keira Knightly, Carey Mulligan and Andrew Garfield) who grow up together, separate in their twenties and finally reconnect a decade later. Unlike most dystopian society movies there are no heroes or villains in this movie. There are no grand gestures and people running while holding hands away from authorities trying to escape their fate. These are good British children. They do as their told. The movie is so beautiful because of that. There are moments of silence and sadness that pack more punch than any line a writer could draft. Glances fill in what we know about two of the main characters relationship. Why this movie didn't get as much attention might just be that these people aren't trying to escape their lives and totally quiet desperation. We work our boring 9 to 5s where not much happens and only dream of doing something great - that's where the movies usually fit in. Movie character "should" be bolder than us. They "should" kick and scream and wail and cry at the moments we only wish we could. If you want that, Never Let Me Go isn't your movie. There are no happy endings and only once does one of the character release their emotions in the form of a primeval scream (a fantastic scene with a fantastic lead-up, just flawless in my opinion). People probably don't like it because it only reminds us just how much we are probably wasting our lives. And not wasting it by not saving the world, but by telling people how we truly feel about them or doing the things we really want to do. Technically I think it's great as well, the cinematography is both in the muted tones of the English country side and lush, it moves seamlessly thanks to notice-less editing (that's a good thing), the script is poetic and not worn down with stereotypes or unnecessary language, and acting is so, so, so subtle and powerful. I know I'm writing all these things and you think, yawn, dull, quiet British movie but take my word, please, it's not. It's human. It raises questions about what makes us human and what makes us feel real. It'll really stick with you. I couldn't stop thinking about this movie for...well, I'm still thinking about it! I loved it and I hope you'll put it on your queue.

-----------

Exit Through the Gift Shop cannot be explained. It's a documentary about a guy who wanted to make a documentary but it was so awful he was encouraged to make art and took it too far. Something like that. It comes from the mind of Banksy who, if you remember my blog posts from three years ago (but why would you?) I love even if I don't think his work should be on gallery walls. Nobody knows who Banksy is but he still makes a great narrator in this tale of art world over self promotion. Unlike many other movies about the art world, every one can "get" this movie - it just happens to hit like a punch to the stomach to those of us who are. And just like Banksy's work and career, doubts have been made about almost every aspect of Exit Through the Gift Shop. Is it a hoax? Who are these people? Did any of this really happen? All valid. There is no one answer. Like any great documentary it makes you think, but unlike others where you question the way you live your life and then ultimately go on living as you were before, Exit... doesn't ask that from the audience. It laughs and walks away and whether you're laughing with them or looking around confused if your own damn problem (just like a jerk at a party you insult and they just laugh in your face). I also really, really, really look forward to seeing what happens if (when) it wins Best Documentary on Sunday night. Will Banksy be there? (he's been banned from wearing his new signature monkey mask on stage by the Academy) Will there be a great to-do on stage? Or will nothing happen at all? Either way, it deserves any praise it gets even if the filmmakers don't give a rat's ass.

-----------

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I know what you're thinking. Really? Yes, really. But I will give you this, I heard somewhere that no one over the age of 30 thought this movie was great (despite the director, the amazing Edgar Wright, is 36) and it's probably true. It's a hipster movie. It makes constant references to video games played on a Nintendo 64 and is pretty much done in the form of comic book (because...duh, it's based on a comic book series). Michael Cera is doing his typical Michael Cera thing but for the first time since Arrested Development, it's been charming and perfect. The dialogue is both sharp and self-referential. I laughed more throughout this movie than I have at any other movie that's been released in the last three or so years. So there. I'm in my 20s and I loved Scott Pilgrim. I'm probably going to keep quoting it for awhile too. So there! You're pretentious, this club sucks, I have beef. Let's do it! and I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft. 

-----------

Tomorrow I'll talk about my personal Oscar picks because I'm awesome  and I want to be right about everything.

OSCAR LEAD UP: Part One - The Percentages

The Oscars are Sunday
(pretty people! pretty clothes!)
and since you all know that I
love
the movies
I've put into percentages
my 2010 movies viewing habits.

-----------

NUMBER OF MOVIES RELEASED: 366

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES I'VE NEVER HEARD OF:  43 (159 titles)

Titles include: My Suicide, Celine: The Movie, Suck and The Yellow Handkerchief (which I mistaking guessed as a sad Korean/Chinese movie but is actually a well reviewed but rarely seen drama staring William Hurt)

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES I'D RATHER SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FACE THAN WATCH: 25 (92 titles)

Titles include: Yogi Bear, Sex and the City 2, The Tourist, Biutiful (looks too foreign and way too sad), Eat Pray Love and Knight & Day (Cameron Diaz should just not make movies)

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES I'VE HEARD OF AND I'M SURE THEY'RE FINE BUT I HAVE NO INTEREST IN: 16 (59 titles)

Titles include: Another Year, Howl, Get Low, Rabbit Hole, Paranormal Activity 2 and Stonewall Uprising.

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES I KNOW I'LL SEE...EVENTUALLY: 5 (20 titles)

Titles include: Animal Kingdom, I Love You Phillip Morris, Winter's Bone, Youth in Revolt and Despicable Me.

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES I GOTTA SEE!: 4 (15 titles)

Titles include: Burlesque (what? It looks hil-ar-io-us), Kick Ass, Let Me In, The Other Guys, Tron Legacy (looks like a good popcorn flick) and Blue Valentine.

and finally

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES I TOTALLY SAW: 6 (21 titles)

Full list of titles: 127 Hours, Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, Black Swan, The Complete Metropolis, Easy A, Exit Through The Gift Shop, The Fighter, Greenberg, Harry Potter 7: Part 1, Holy Rollers, Inception, Iron Man 2, The Kids Are All Right, The King's Speech, Never Let Me Go, Red Riding Trilogy (you see one, you've seen them all - also this SNL skit sorta explains it all), Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Shutter Island, The Social Network, Tiny Furniture, Toy Story 3, and True Grit.

 -----------

*Yes, I know it only adds up to 99% but I hate remainders*

 -----------

PERCENTAGE OF THE MOVIES I SAW THAT I THOUGHT SUCKED: 5 (1 title - Alice in Wonderland) 

PERCENTAGE OF THE BEST PICTURE NOMINEES I'VE SEEN: 90 (all but Winter's Bone which is sitting on my DVD player)

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES THAT I SAW THAT I THINK SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE: 9.5 (2 titles - Exit Through the Gift Shop, even though I don't think documentaries can be nominated in the Best Picture category and Never Let Me Go)

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIES THAT I SAW THAT FEATURE ANDREW GARFIELD'S ASS: 9.5 (2 titles - the first movie in the Red Riding Trilogy and Never Let Me Go)

PERCENTAGE OF THOSE MOVIES FEATURING ANDREW GARFIELD'S ASS I ENJOYED A LITTLE MORE BECAUSE OF SAID FEATURE: 100

----

And that's it. Tomorrow I'm going to write about my favorite movies of the year that were snubbed or ignored this year by critics or the Academy.

.too late to apologize, I say, as flood waters rise.

WTF Gmail?
After reading my e-mails you suggest this:

Click me! Click me!

?!?!
I don't think I've even
written anything
close
to making any suggest-o-bot
"think" this.

.a river of tiny tears flow from your crocodile eyes.

MTA Conductors,
You are no longer allowed
to announce
"We are stopped momentarily, we'll be moving shortly".
Every two minutes
for twenty minutes.
We AREN'T stopped momentarily.
We WILL NOT be moving shortly.

Liars.

Pants on fire.

.but you're going to cry.

If the MTA
was
at all
effective,
I would offer them
my new slogan
for them:

KEEP THE OY VEYS AWAY: TAKE THE MTA!

But the MTA sucks,
so they can't have it.

.like, "he's my lower half," you laughed.

How come New Yorkers always have to come in and ruin my New York moments?

.with the things that you said.

I discovered today that this

(#f662bf - FYI)

Is the worst color

a web page background could be.

.you were so happy.

I hate running into old co-workers
at the job I had before the one I have now
because,
I sorta
kinda
really hated everyone there
(sans a few of the best people I've ever met).

And today: it happened.

I ran into a not-so-close co-worker.
Who hated me then
(for no reason - I swear!)
and
apparently,
still does.

I could tell because of her fake smile.
Which sort of looked like this:

Sorry to whoever this really is.

I hate small talk.
I hate talking about things I don't want to.
I hate silences.
Ew.

I got off two stops early
walked up the steps
turned around
and waited for the next train.

(and if you read this XX - you know it's true)

.as it goes away.

Mini Snowman!

The son of Giant Snowman

.i'll find the sweetest spot to watch.

Obligatory post about
massive amount of snow.....

Here's a picture of a dog in a car!!!!

.right under the sea.

What? No! Huh?

.i'll sink manhattan.

I love my boyfriend
and I don't think he reads this blog.

With that said,
this photo combines two of my
favorite things:
handsome British men
and Polaroid cameras.

Especially Andrew Garfield
with a SX-70 camera.

Mmmmmm.....