.take an atmospheric leap.

11:55pm
December 30th, 2010:
The first fall-on-my-butt-from-the-ice fall of the season.

*golf claps*

*bows to audience*
Thank you.
Thank you.

I'll be here all winter.

.climb to her fingernail and leap, yeah.

Before I share more
stories
from the blizzard,
I wanted to share this:

Last night I went to go see
True Grit
(another great Coen brothers movie - surprise, surprise)
at the AMC near Lincoln Center
(really fun theater)
and there was a preview
for Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon
and right when the title came up
there was a loud noise
from the front
and was simply this:
the sound of man faking a single vomit.

Perfect.

The crowd cheered.
For him,
not Michael Bay.

.to that statue with the dictionary.

Transit Horror Story, Part 1

Just look at this on the MTA website this morning.

.climb to her fingernail and.

This is how I feel today.

.to that statue with the dictionary.

I don't know if this make me

hate this city

or love it.

.if you run, you can run.

ME

 Hi! Can I have a cheese sandwich with lettuce and tomato and mayo on a sesame bagel?

Murray's Bagels Worker 

Huh?

ME

 A cheese sandwich with lettuce and tomato and mayo on a sesame bagel.

MBW 

 What meat do you want on it?

ME

 No meat, just cheese.

MBW 

No meat?

ME

 Nope

MBW 

That doesn't make any sense. You're crazy.

ME

 Ummmm......

(End Scene)

.turn towards the hidden sun.

I, for some reason,
thought it was spelled "too"
instead of 2.

Silly me.
It's only for governor of
one of the most populated states
in the US.

I found Mr. McMillan both
hilarious
and infuriating.

Also,
why do I have to mark in pen
my votes
and then scan it?
I can't believe I'm saying this
but it was
a lot
easy in Baltimore to vote.

.you know you look so elegant when you run.

Look what came in
the mail
today.

A sign of New York's
transition
to California's
insanity-laced elections?

.turn towards the hidden sun.

I've been (happily) employed for
2.5 months
(yes? yes)
and I thought it was about time to share.....

Kate Burnley's (Un)excellent Adventure(s in Job Hunting and Interview)

It's a Google Document
that includes
everywhere
I applied and for what position.

I started it during my
seemingly endless search
and if you're in a similar
situation
stay strong!

And for the record,
here's my &*($ list
of places I interviewed with
and never heard back from
(and I don't think any of the interviews went that badly - maybe not awesome but not enough to blow me off entirely, jeez)

Alexander Gorlin Architects
Wall Group
Big Brothers Big Sisters of New York City
Sens Production
St. Raymond High School for Boys
Studio in a School
Artist Pension Trust
Film Forum

Thanks guys.

You stay classy

 (and professional) 

.so eleanor take a greenpoint three point.

I still believe too.

(taken in the Lexington-63rd Street Station)

.i could be there when you land.

Sorry Geoffrey Chaucer,
I had to put you down,
you just
weren't
good subway reading.

.leap until the gulf stream's brought you down.

(jump feature is not working on my blogger - sorry for any inconvenience) 
I've had very few traumatizing experiences. It's true. There is rarely one event that shakes me to my core. I usually let emotions take their run at me until I explode, but rarely do I feel like I've truly lost my way. For example, since starting my blog I can only think of two traumatizing experiences I've had: falling halfway between a subway car and the track and seeing my grandmother only moments after her last breath.

But tonight, I might have to add to the list.

Once my boyfriend asked me why I'm so self-conscious about something or worry what people say about me (I can't remember the specifics - see? I don't get caught up in details). I gave the example of this: You're walking down the street and a stranger stops you to tell you that the sweater you are wearing is the ugliest thing they've ever seen. The stranger walks away. You think it's odd and you keep walking. You tell the story to friends and maybe end it with a laugh saying, "I love this sweater, he must be crazy." But the truth is, every time you put on that sweater you're going to think of that stranger. Maybe you'll wear the sweater just as much but you probably won't - until the day you throw it in the Goodwill bag, wonder for a moment why you haven't worn it in so long and then remember the day that stranger came up to you.

I gave this story as an example of things ex's have said to me and I can't really shake. Maybe it's the color of my hair. An ex from years ago thought's on my hair color doesn't effect my decision in the drug store hair color isle but I can't help but think that maybe red isn't my color - that I should stay a brunette.

Things like that stick with you. It really depends of whether or not you allow it to hinder your decisions or not.

Tonight I was waiting in line. Galapagos Art Space has something called Nerd Night; which is a series of "nerdy" lectures preceded by nerd speed dating. A friend was doing speed dating but I excitedly agreed to meet him after to see the lectures - they are usually fantastic. I picked up four cupcakes knowing people usually get hungry after the first lecture. When I got there, the line was almost a block long - just to get in the post-speed dating event. And I didn't buy a ticket beforehand. Never had to before. Just waltzed right in during previous sessions.

I hate waiting in lines by myself. I've done it. I've done it a lot; I live in New York you know. But it's weird waiting with a bunch of pairs and groups of people having conversations while you just wanna be, like, Yeah, I'm waiting for someone. I'd have something really interesting to say if that person was standing next to me.

So I stood there, with my headphones on, holding a cupcake box (but it was in a plastic bag, so you couldn't tell). Waiting. And waiting - but it's a nice night, so whatever.

Then I see a man storming toward me. I know he's about to yell at me for something. You can just tell in the moments before a non-sequitur rant from a crazy person what you're in for. I thought it'd be about the line. It was taking up an entire block and making passage through a certain street impossible. He was a white guy. Maybe 35. Sweater and khakis. Backpack. Curly brown hair. Looked like a literary guy if I had to take a guess. He walks right up to me, bypassing the groups of people around me and I unplug my headphones; ready for the attack. And this is what I received in an angry yet a little below a yelling volume (to the best of my memory and editing because he repeated a few phrases a couple times):

You should loose 30 pounds. You should just starve yourself. Just starve yourself and do Japanese kickboxing. Then you'll know what it's like when someone walks up to you and says it.

My mouth may have dropped. I may have stammered. I may have tried to make a noise but I can't recall. The next thing I remember he stormed back away. And a few moments later I saw him pass around again but further down the block.

I don't think I have the hyperbole to express my shock. The woman next to me, maybe just a few years older than me turned to me and said, "That was fucked up. Do you know that guy?........No? Oh! I thought you knew him. That was really fucked up. I'm really sorry that he directed that toward you.""Hey, I've heard worse." But I felt myself shaking. I felt my cheeks burning, so much that I thanked the powers that be that it was night. And something about that last sentence actually made me feel better; knowing that he might have directed some sort of tirade, of any sort, to anyone - it just happened to be me and it just happened to be about my body. I think I laughed the best I could, shrugging my shoulders and responded to her,

And then we continued to wait in line. And wait. And wait. Until my friend ended up leaving and we left for dinner (he hadn't eaten, I had) with my box of cupcakes in tow. I ate one.

What I find disturbing is that I don't think men and probably some women (and trust me, this isn't some sort of feminist rant) don't realize that insulting a woman's body is the unspoken line you do not cross. Not because it's generally disrespectful and we should all be respecting each other because it's the right thing to do, but because I don't know a single girl/woman over the age of maybe eight that doesn't know every single flaw in their body. They knew every hair out of place; growing in a weird spot. They know every part of them that jiggles. They know every bump they think should be smoothed over.

Even those little girls you see holding their mother's hand or skipping on the playground asphalt hates something about their bodies. And if they don't now, they will. Under no circumstances am I saying that men don't go through the same things, the same idealized versions of themselves being plastered on billboards but when they say sex sells, they don't mean the act of sex they mean the female body in its least clothed form.

This is not a rant about advertising or fashion magazines. I've never flipped through the pages of Vogue and wished for that figure or that nose - I just like getting ideas on what to wear. Those things don't affect me. I don't envy images on paper. But when it comes to real life, I can get sensitive. If I hear one person calling another fat, I don't want to jump in and fight for Overeaters Anonymous but if I hear it about me I'm completely ashamed.

The funny thing is, I don't even really think I'm that fat. Under all the BMI indexes and such, I'm not. I'm a size 8 dress (10 jeans - I've got some hips on me). Really. Outside of the catwalks, I don't think anyone is looking at that number and thinking, Yikes! I don't want to be a size 0. I'm mostly afraid that if I become a size 6, I'll want to be a size 4 and when I'm a size 4, I'll want to be a size 2 and so on.

I could list everything I hate about my body (my legs, my underarms, my butt, blah, blah, blah) but it doesn't hinder my day to day life which is why in the few occasions that my weight has been addressed to me outside the realm of my inner voice, it throws me off so. I think, Jeez, I didn't think it was that bad.  And it isn't. Despite my worst paranoid thoughts, I didn't break the escalators, it's the 63rd-Lexington station, they're always breaking down.

I don't want to get into all the examples of times that I've felt that people are looking at me because I'm "fat" (another paranoia is that I'll be the biggest person in a full elevator and someone other than myself will fart and everyone will just assume it's me because I'm the biggest - out of all the things I think I have a problem with my body, gas is not one of them). However, it's always going to be there. That little thing in the back of your mind that assumes everyone thinks like that stranger who hated your sweater.

I remember the exact moment. The moment when I became aware that other people were aware of my body enough to say something. It was fifth grade. We were in music class; a nice airy room on the first floor of my newly renovated elementary school. Sitting cross legged on a scratchy blue carpet we were all given recorders (I know, right?) that came from a large plastic bin. We all got up and went to reach for our new instruments when Matt XX pushed past me and said in a voice he knew low enough that only I could hear, "Move it chubby!" 

Apparently the need for plastic woodwind instruments is enough to bring out the worse in a 10 year old.  I think my reaction then was not much different then it was tonight - silence followed by a forced laugh and some good old fashion Burnley stoicism.

I have no pearls of wisdom that extend well pass my years like I usually do. I cannot say what I got out of this experience tonight and whether or not it makes me feel better or worse about my body. I do not wish to harp on the knowledge that every girl knows what they hate about themselves. I just want to say this,

Buddy....you're a real prick.

.ride to the highest point and leap across the filthy water.

Here's a sampling of the horrifying things have happened to me in the last three days:

1. Last Saturday several children were standing outside my work and slamming their backs into the window. Which is, as you imagine, really fucking annoying (I work next to the overpriced shitshow know as Serendipity). I finally get up to kindly ask the children to stop it. Opening the door, I see no parents but approach the back of the one nearest to me. "Sweetie, could you please stop that, the noise is really scary from inside," I say to the girl. She slowly turns to me Exorcist/Children of the Corn style and looking back at me is a girl, maybe three or four with the most terrifying face paint I've ever seen in my life. Like, remember that scene in Red Dragon when you finally see his full tattoo and realize he's nuts - yeah, that was on this little girl's face. I froze and nervously repeated myself as she slowly cocked her head to side with a blank expression. We stood there staring at each other, me with a big fake smile, nodding for a while before I slowly back up and went back to work. In a few moments she continues pounding on the glass and I thought, hey, I could get used to that sound.
2. As a business next to Serendipity we often get people just wandering in, wasting time because they've decided to patron a restaurant that has three hour waits for frozen hot chocolate (yeah, I know). It was no different this day as a middle-aged woman and her mother walked in and looked around. I knew they weren't interested in anything but kindly asked them if they needed help, the whole spiel. They walk to my desk which is front of our back porch, that people are allowed onto. The mother (maybe 80/85) walks up right to my desk, I tell her she can go back there if she'd like and she just smiles at me and then proceeds to speak in Russian to me for about 30 seconds straight. Which may not seem like much, but it's like 30 seconds of gibberish to me. Life doesn't have subtitles; I can't understand foreign languages. I've tried. I gaze down at people's waists sometimes when they speak to me in another language, no words come up and they just look at you like you're mental. Her daughter then comes up to me and says, "Oh, she's just said you're pretty." It does not take someone 30 seconds to compliment someone else. I'm flattered if it's true but the paranoid girl who thinks life is more like The Truman Show rather than a mumblecore movie automatically assumes that she put a Gypsy curse on me. (It has nothing to do with my semi-low self confidence, I looked really cute that day - and maybe just a little Russian).
3. This happened today. I'm still calming down from it so just bare with me. On the way to the bank today, I was walking near the Queensborough Bridge area of 2nd/1st Avenues. It's a bit of a clusterfuck of traffic so not many people go that way but I thought, hey, let's try a different route. It wasn't raining, but I had a hat on with my lovely red trench coat just in case it started sprinkling again. A woman, perfectly normal 40 something slim black woman, walked up to me and approached me like she was about to ask direction. Understandable; it's a weird area. I take out my headphones and she jovially says to me, "You look just like Sarah Palin on Dancing with the Stars - especially in the face." She laughs and wishes me a great day, like she just imparted me with the secret of life and it's dancing around in circles with midgets dressed at monkeys. Now, I'm assuming she meant Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's 19-year old daughter (I've put a link to her Wiki page but seriously if you need to look her up and understand why I'm so different from her, you have issues - the rock isn't that heavy, come out from underneath it). After this interaction I immediately called my mother, traumatized and, I shit you not, almost on the verge of tears. I've never been so insulted in my life. My mother's response was the lines of, "Aw, sweetie. I'm sorry. That's my little liberal baby."

And that's my life. I'm a bit shaky. I think I need a gin and tonic to calm my nerves.

.you can run to the Coney Island roller coaster.

This is a Giant Chinese Salamander:

Look at it's little "hands"!
(I think it's name is Gerald)

and this is a very, very tiny one:

(a yet unnamed species - I'll name it Nototriton Maxillium)

.but if you run.

Here are a few things on my mind:

1. There was a girl who looked like Janeane Garofalo circa Reality Bites reading Nietzsche on the subway this morning. Make of that what you will.
2. Who remembers this music video? I do!
3. Jesse Eisenberg now officially meets my Jew-crush quota. It's the hair really.
4. On my way to work I saw this man. I bet he does this every day.

Okay, bye
(I'm gonna go watch Zombieland again)

.i know it isn't dignified to run.

The Touro Synagogue was built
in 1763
in Rhode Island,
a state that was founded by people who
were thought
to be too radical
for the Massachusetts Bay Colony
(even though the Jews came over because they heard that those crazy Rhode Islanders were taking all sorts of people in the 1650s).

Moses Seixas, the head of the synagogue
wrote to George Washington
(my favorite president)
and this was part of the first president's response

The Citizens of the United States of America have a right to applaud themselves for having given to mankind examples of an enlarged and liberal policy: a policy worthy of imitation. All possess alike liberty of conscience and immunities of citizenship It is now no more that toleration is spoken of, as if it was by the indulgence of one class of people, that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights. For happily the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens, in giving it on all occasions their effectual support.

Pretty cool, right?
Especially because in 2010
France banned the wearing of burqas in public
(technically anything that covers the face but it was a direct reaction to the massive amount of Muslims coming to Europe)

.kick the heels into the Brooklyn dirt.

I use old National Geographics a lot in
my artwork.
And hand to Jesus,
I found this ad the other day
from an April 1989 issue.

Ouch.

(click to enlarge)

.eleanor put those boots back on.

These were two mice

(who are probably already snake food by now)

at the Petco

last week.

Awwww.

Or are these rats....?

(flip record to side 5A)

Martin Luther King Jr said:

"I love you. I would rather die than hate you"

Terry Jones and the like should be asking themselves,
How do we rebuild instead of destroy?

.and if so, is there?.

Guess where in New York?

Answer: The courtyards of St. John the Divine

(the prettiest place I've ever been in the city and hate myself for not going before)

.and just maybe she's wrong.

Governors Island is
no longer
that semi-hidden secret place that you
go to
when you want to get away from the city.

I went yesterday
to the Food Truck Festival
thinking it would be
the sort of thing where you could try
a little of this
a little of that
of New York's (mostly) awesome food trucks.

But no.
After waiting forever to get on the ferry,
a friend and I waiting in line for a food truck
any food truck
(we sort of weren't sure which)
and after moving two spots in 20 minutes
we bailed
and went to Picnic Point
and chowed on the two
staples there
Blue Marble Ice Cream
and
the über-fantastic
Fauzia's Multi-Ethnic Heavenly Delights
(if you're on Governors Island or in the Bronx, totally check them out).

And then waiting in line to
get off the island.

It was more waiting then eating.
But if you're talking with a friend
it's not so bad.
Still, no more sorta empty Governors Island to
play in
anymore.

.and maybe I'm right.

Saw a kid today on the train
who looked
just like
Rick Astley.
(FYI: this link has over 25 million hits)

Not like, Rick Astley now
but Rick Astley plus total 80s gear on.
Pants, tee, blazer, shoes and
messy semi-mullet.

And not hipster 80s
like, teenager out of time machine 80s.
Weird Science 80s.

I loved him and
cursed
the fact that my camera battery had
just died.

If you're reading this Rick Astley kid
call me.
Your portrait artist is waiting.

.but maybe she's wrong.

Since I've been so
awful
about posting, here's a collection of my
Facebook status updates since August 8th (my last post):

• August 8th: Just gave a guy at the green market a bag of kitty litter 'cause he made fun of me.
• August 10th: Steven Slayer is my hero
• August 11th: Angry Egyptian cheese panda. Cheeeeese panda. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olLp8Cssh_M
• August 13th:  Now a employed member of society (bless this well oiled capitalist machine)
• August 16th: Anyone who's a student want to go splitsy on Adobe's Creative Design Suite CS5 with me? - you can use one serial number for up to two computers. Getting a new laptop and am really sick of my crappy hacked version of CS. Plllleeeaaassseeee?
• August 19th:  Another PS related status: So, I'm using CS3 at my job and when I use the pen tool I can't see the curved path I'm creating which makes using the pen tool, well, really hard. Help.
• August 23:  Dorkfest: First status update from my brand new laptop. His name is Sir Winesap Newton.

So really, sans the job, you
haven't been missing much.

Well, that and getting so
angry at a stranger
I gave them kitty litter.
Sometimes you have to do things
that feel good
to save your soul.

.and you'll never be alone.

Ravel's Boléro is  
stuck
in my head.

(she says after listening to M.I.A. and the Glee soundtrack)

Weird, right?

.and they're always be something there for you.

I always thought Anthony Weiner (Dem Congressman from Brooklyn)
was, eh, okay.
But now!
Now he's my hero!

.maybe mother told you true.

How come the funniest
job postings
are for things I'm utterly
not qualified.

Like this one.

Or the Time Out web developer job
that was written entirely in code.

Curse you geeks!

.and oh...

It's not my fault,
you made me yell at you.
I was on the phone with
my mother
and you started harassing me
in your ugly low-rider.
I don't care if it was the Bronx
and I was wearing a skirt,
a girl is trying to listen to her
mother.

That's why I had to yell at you.
That's why I had to scream,
"You can fuck off now"
in the middle of the street.
Near children.

I hate you.

.and maybe you're right.

Two "political" tidbits for today:

1. If you're not from New York, or maybe if you are and you're just confused, This American Life had a whole segment dedicated to the madness in #410 - Social Contract. Sometimes in the midst of the wonky eye and the lack of leadership, you forget how nice and charming David Paterson is. But that doesn't matter, because he's gone in November.
2. I'm sure if this was a Republican senator I'd be frustrated, but since it's Al Franken, it's cute and funny. He's pretty good actually.
   

.maybe I'm wrong.

I took the new
orange line M
and I still don't understand it.

No likey.

Explain this.

.yes, for those who think it still exists.

Play Me, I'm Yours
is a fantastic public arts project
that puts pianos
in public spaces.



Luckily,
Seward Park across the street from me
is home to one
and I saw this after a trip to grab
an iced latte
(my expensive addiction)

.for kids that think it still exists.

I was going to talk about the
oil spill and how it makes me
sick and looking at large
bodies of water
and thinking about them ebbing and flowing
of oil instead of water
almost made me vomit into the Hudson

but

I'd rather share the story of a
small Chinese boy (3ish)
at the corner of Eldridge (a street filled with....lets just say, mysteries) and East Broadway,
with his father watching,
taking a dump on the sidewalk.
Pants down,
butt out,
little pooplettes on the sidewalk
like a Chihuahua had just passed.
Seriously Dad?
Seriously Chinatown?
Seriously kid?
You're a bit too old to not
be able to hold it in.

And any restaurant should be understanding.
In Mandarin
or English
or whatever.
Most people, I think,
internationally,
have sympathy for a pained-gotta-go kid.

I just want to know if Dad had a poop bag ready
and picked it up.
But that oil-induced sickness
was coming back
and I decided to go home.

.and oh..take me off your mailing list.

.where I'd happily drown.

Iz
been
in
dis
city
threeee
yearz.

Yeesh.

.but you're still the one pool.

(from Aman*Duh flickr)

I think this is a most
appropriate
image to mark my 3 years living
in New York City.

Ha!

.jesus, where do I start?

I don't know
what the rest of the world is
talking about
when they say that Americans
don't like soccer because
every bar
I saw was showing most of
the World Cup games
if not just the USA ones.
(okay, so I live in the microcosm known as New York City)

My friends and I had
no problem just walking a
few blocks near my apartment
and finding
several bars
showing the USA v. England game.

We picked Bunny Chow.
It was okay.
My doorman hates me
because I'm supporting England.

And what the fuck Green?!?!
What was that fuck-up in the first half.
You could have won the game.
I don't hate you because
I know you're beating yourself up.
It's okay.
I still love you guys.

.like a death of the heart.

Ohhhhh, it's all coming together now.
I think I understand....EVERYTHING.....

.that you hear through your wall.

Tiny's is back!
(see 5/22 blog post)
Same sandwiches and all,
exactly
what I need,
more food with a ridiculous
amount of calories.

Mmmm....calories.

.like a death in the hall.

Things I didn't know,
and am ashamed I didn't know,
Greenland is in North America
not Europe.

Although, some of the answers to the
How many countries are in North America?
on Yahoo Answers
is
so
fucking
sad.

.but we're fresh out of shout.

Music/Pop-Culture I Know I Shouldn't Like but I Do Edition.

1. I don't really like Tom Cruise and I have honestly have no opinion of Robert Pattinson (not good, not bad, not eh....just, no opinion whatsoever) but I thought the final scene with Les Grossman was fucking hilarious in Tropic Thunder and the ads for the MTV Movie Awards (gosh, I might have to miss it again this year) are pretty funny. Not laugh-out-loud funny but funny. Actually, now that I think about it, the ads for the Movie Awards/spoofs are usually the best part by far - most of them involving Ben Stiller. I love Ben Stiller. Call me, we'll hang out. Have a beer. Talk. It'll be great Ben.

2. As usual, it takes me about two months to warm up to any Lady Gaga song. I mean, it's gotten to the point where I hear them and actively ignore them knowing that I will be two months behind everyone else. Alejandro? I think nothing of your now (actually I think you're a bit too 90s Madonna and Ace of Base, but that'll change), but you will be on my iPod by August. So, with that being said, I'm just know getting addicted to Telephone (no, not the video, the video is unbearable and I will not go into the whole, what do I think of Lady Gaga thing). But my big question is the line that Beyonce (in her usual taking the singing way out of context) sings, "And I am sick and tired of my phone ringing/Sometimes I feel like I live in Grand Central Station." Wait, what does that mean?!? Are phones constantly ringing in Grand Central? I've never noticed that. The next line is, "Tonight I'm not taking no calls cause I'll be dancing." Does it have to do with that? I don't understand it! Does it have something to do with the double negative and you will be taking phone calls because you feel like Grand Central? Do you feel like a large train station that goes to Westchester? What is it Beyonce. Tell me your secrets gypsy woman!

3. I like Lily Allen. I don't care what Perez Hilton says. I think Not Fair is funny and so is the video.

4. Brett Michaels is repulsive and we should ignore him.

5. I have two new songs to add to my goody-gum-drops favorite list and neither of them are recent; I am so off the bandwagon the dust has already settled and other fallen members have started their own functioning community. The first is Mapaputsi's Kleva Kasilam (click for video). It's a music genre called kwaito, which is like South African trip-hop (Does anyone use that phrase anymore? They should, it works as a description of some types of music). I did not know of this; I learned something new. So there you go. The second is Crustation's Purple from 1998 (?) (again, click for video - I'm linking videos because both songs were incredibly hard to find for download or find out information about the artists - generally I think most music videos are counteractive in a song's enjoyment) which has a hook that has gotten stuck in my head several times since I first heard it.

6. Last but not least I'm going to make a statement that I mentioned awhile back to some friends but will make public on this blog. I'm not saying this in any ironic sense or to be funny (well, sort of, because I realize how ridiculous it makes me sound), I'm being dead serious when I say: I think Toto's Africa is one of the best songs ever. There, I said it. Come on, doesn't it sound like it seriously would take waaaay more than hundred men to drag him away from you? When David Paich and Bobby Kimball sing it, I believe it. This takes a lot for me to say because let's face it, Toto sucks. Toto is generic 70s/80s rock music that's always playing in a bar with wood paneling and a bar tender named Jim with a handlebar mustache. Nick Andopolis (look at this clip from the show, love this clip from the show) from Freaks and Geeks loves Toto. I do not. But I think Nick and I would agree on the awesomeness of Africa.

7. That's all. Okay, bye.

.there's a ton of the twist.

Friday.
5:30pm.
Eldridge Street.
Pigeons pecking at a used tampon.


For that visual, you are very welcome.

.but you're freaking me out.

Heart to Jesus,
I am not lying
when I say that during the course
of this
week,
I've seen a good 5 three-legged dogs.

And no,
it hasn't been the same one.

That's higher than usual,
right?
What is the three-legged dog: four-legged dog ratio
in New York?
Obviously more than
anywhere else
I've ever lived in or been.

.i'd once dreamt i would drink.

Oh, Facebook,
you are so funny
with your recommendations.

You crazy kids.

.in the neighborhood bars.

Still trying to process
the end of Lost
(Yes! I'm one of those people)
but this helps.

PS: I think the subway gave me a migraine yesterday. Maybe with all this walking and not being on the dirty underground, my body has lost it's resistance to the subways ick.

.i mean all disrespect.

I haz a sad.
Two of my absolute
favorite
drinking and eating establishments
have closed.

East Side Drinking Company
(which has been accused of being
too warm inside
and watering down the drinks -
neither which I have experienced
the times I've been there)
on Essex
which was an offshoot of the infamous
Milk and Honey
(yes, I'm curious to go and no, I don't know anyone).
It was small,
and dark,
and very speakeasy-like
with a drink called Devil's Horn.
Tequila, absinthe, lime, and Tabasco sauce.
Had one after a flight from London
and I was down for the count.
Yum
(did I say, Yum?).

And

Tiny's Giant Sandwich Shop
on Rivington.
Which was a gift from God.
Seriously,
whenever I had a bad day I thought,
A vegetarian Spicy Rizzack will make it all better
("Turkey", "bacon", cheddar, tomato, onion and chipotle mayo on a sesame semolina hero).
And it did.
Or their grilled cheese which I
declared
better than sex,
much to the confusion to the waitress.
I don't retract that statement.
But they've been temporary closed
for quite some time.
I'd pay $12 for that sandwich
(not that I want to, but it could come to that).
I miss you Tiny's.
Come back to me.
And the LES
(I'll travel for you but I
secretly won't be
happy about it since your
location was one of your highlights).

Le sigh.
Damn this neighborhood!
Damn this economy!

.so the boring collect.

One word:
Brilliant

(from the Awl)

.now convinced he's a king.

Yeah,
I've changed the name of
this blog.

From .only living girl in new york.
(blah, others with the same name)
to
.i had seven faces.

I know it's a song line
from a band that isn't
cool
anymore
but the song works for me
and this blog.

.your mild billionaire mayor's.

My cat has an eating disorder.
She gets more on her
face/head
than her mouth.

.don't please don't change a thing.

I was looking up a
crossword puzzle answer
(God, I am so addicted to them)
for Texas-New Mexico border river
when I found this
on Google maps.













(click for bigger image and look on Route 18)
Weird, right?

.new york, you're perfect.

Seriously,
someone tell me what I have to do
to get a job.

Acing the interview apparently isn't enough.

I'm at my breaking point.
I just don't understand.
Burger King here I come.

.once they'd run out of crime.

I know it's
sooooo far away
but if you're in the area
go check out
Road to Freedom
and
After 1968
at the Bronx Museum.
It's only a few blocks from the
B/D
and you won't get shot
or mugged.
Promise.

It's amazing to see what people
sacrificed
to give us what we have now.

.to the cops who were bored.

I've been on the subway
once
in the last 5 days.

I'm really proud of myself.
Especially because it was
fucking humid today.

And I jacked up my hair
and had to wear a hat.
Twas uncomfortable.

.when you opened the doors.

Here's your new favorite thing, ever:

BABY SLOTHS!
Happy Sunday!

.but they shuttered your stores.

This is Yoda.
I met him in the park today.
He likes squirrels.

.you are filthy but fine.

Leslie Buck, designer of one of the most recognizable pieces of New York iconography died.

He went to the big street side coffee cart in the sky.

I imagine it's like this.

.our records all show.

The above picture
(take from SMKjr's Flickr - and has great street art photos)
is from a mural on Houston Street
which now changes on a regular basis (?)
by Shepard Fairey.

Who?

You know him, really.
You know this : OBEY
And you know this: HOPE

And in typical New Yorker fashion
people are bitching
and complaining
and general hating on Fairey.

I like him.
I like him a lot more after watching Exit Through the Gift Shop
(I seriously loved that movie)
I like his work.
He has a great visual aesthetic/language which has
evolved and grown with time.
(and he can be forgiven for going to RISD - the sworn enemy of the MICA student)

I didn't pay for the mural.
And even if I did,
even if it was taken out my taxes.
I'm all for good public art.
Most of the time it sucks,
this mural does not suck.
New York isn't exactly the most
beautiful city in the world.

What's wrong with a little
expression
and making the world a little less conventional?

More murals!
More art!
More love!

.and you're wasting my time.

Honestly,
this is the first time in
a really long time
I've been affected by a TV
advertisement.

But I love
the new Kotex ads
and it actually makes me want to buy
and support
a company that recognizes
how silly tampon advertisements are.
(they also have crazy-totally-wouldn't-fly-in-the-US ads in Australia)

.new york, you're safer.

Is it just me
or has anyone else
noticed the massive
increase
in pot themed
television programming
this year on this day from last?

.pulling minimum wage.

I forgot to talk about this
before
but this is the reason
I've loved Dave Grohl
since I was 12.

Of course,
it did lead to
a very real hospitalization
due to a coffee overdose.

That's the way to go
coffee overdose.
Delicious heart failure.

.like a rat in a cage.

Jeez,
made an update from
my phone
which disappeared.

Went something like this:
(11:30pm-ish)
Weird smell and
massive amounts of firetrucks
and ambulances.

Look out the window and see a
massive
cloud of black smoke
coming from a few blocks
north.

Hope no one got hurt.

Sad.

-------------------

UPDATE: The fire was massive and took over 250 firefighters from 60 departments all over the city to put out but lucky (amazingly) no one was hurt. Article with crazy pictures at the New York Times (no subscription needed to see it).
UPDATE 2: Gawker has a post with crazy video inside! And a rescued cat!

.but you're bringing me down.

I've been in the
Upper East Side
a lot for interviews
and museums
and whatnots recently
(weird, right?)
and also in the Bronx
and there is no reasonable
explanation
of the 6 line.
What part of this:


















makes sense
Especially when you're
on the train
and one goes every other stop
(not shown - not sure why)
while the other train
makes up those stops.

If all else fails in trying to
understand
this abomination
of a subway line
just read this
weekend service announcement
and try to make left
from right.

.new york, i love you.

Here's the breakdown:

• I can't believe Canal Street is no longer the home to all things counterfeit. It just won't be the same walking around without some guy pushing a piece of paper with pictures of fake Chanel bags in your hand. Is this also the cut down of the baby turtle trade?
• Oooo, this looks good.
  
• Look at these sad, sad numbers. Come on Williamsburg, even my neighborhood is beating you - and you know those Census (Censi?) didn't come in Chinese (only Spanish/English - Dios bendiga América).
• This is upsetting to me.
• I watched the final scenes of Alejandro Jodorowsky's Holy Mountain during dinner last night, not such a good idea. A FYI really.
• I don't know which I like more, Lost or watching Lost with my Mom 195 miles away with commentary via text message. Classic from her, "Oh fuck noooooo" (verbatim). Classic from me, "Excellentness.....Whoa! Who was that in the preview?!"
• Oh Inky, you silly cat.
• Photo above is from the snowpocalypse or whatever they were calling it. Just a reminder to myself really as I grumbled my way to an interview with heels and a blazer in 90 degree weather.
  

(flip record to side 4B)

This is the baby seal
that lives on the Hudson
(ew, gross, I know)
I love it.
I want it to love me.
I wonder if it came from
San Francisco?

.your love is gonna drown.

Ooops.
Left the hummus
uncovered for
too long.

.first iPhone post.

What part of no uptown train do you not understand? I know most of the signs are in Chinese and yes that's weird and frustrating but there are also signs in English and are posted all over the turnstiles that remind you NO UPTOWN TRAINS THIS WEEKEND!

I helped the young Russian couple because they were very, very confuse and as someone who has navigated international subway construction rerouting, I know it's very unsettling and sorta scary. But the rest of you have no excuse.

The guy said to me with his heavy accent, "So everyone here is waiting for a train that won't come?"
Yes sir, they are and unlike you they have no excuse.

Subway on weekends & at night = always fucked up. Always always always.

That's all. And hooray for mobile updating!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

.it slowly rises.

Drunks giving
fellow drunks
directions to the best place
to grab
a cab.
At 10pm.

Gotta love New York.

.half empty or half full.

Me.
Today.
FYI.

.but while you debate.

Just saw
sex, lies, and videotapes.

Jaw, meet floor.
Awesome.
And I don't even like Steven Soderbergh!

Amazing dialogue.
Loved it.

.in the sound.

Soooo....
Is there a terrible
smelling person
who lives in the E. B'way subway station
and
the station just happens to smell like
bacon
or
is there a person who smells like
urine and bacon simultaneously?

And I've also noticed that the only things
that come of out my
super's apartment
is pot and puppies.

.and there is comfort.

Dear Jackasses,

Your sexual harassment in light of the nice weather is predictable, trite and unwelcome.

-Me

.that leaks.

Yeah! Oscars! Well, not really because this past year really sucked for movies. Sure, I enjoyed a couple, but they were far and few between. I was watching one of my favorite movies, American Splendor, which came out in 2003 and thought, man, indie films just aren't as good. 2003 was a great year for movies. As was 2004. But 2009, blah. Usually I can't wait to see all the Best Picture nominees but alas, not this year. With that said, here's my commentary on the nominees and my picks (this year I'm going with my heart - whoo hoo!):

BEST SHORT DOCUMENTARY/ANIMATION - I have no idea and therefor picked the one with the cutest name, A Matter of Loaf and Death. Awwww.

BEST DOCUMENTARY - I don't even know. And I usually always know. Sigh.

BEST FOREIGN - Again, I usually know, but this year I'm at a loss. Even though the Academy sometimes has odd taste in foreign films (last year Waltz with Bashir lost, seriously?) Um...let's go with the Frenchy!

BEST ANIMATED - I don't think it's fair that one of the nominees, Up, is in this category and Best Picture. That's sort of mean to the other filmmakers, am I right? But I did hear The Fantastic Mr. Fox was great and I really loved Coraline and it's artistic use of 3D (not just things popping in your face). It's Up - did you not cry in the first 10 minutes? Yes, yes you did.

BEST VISUALS/EDITING/CINEMATOGRAPHY/MIXING - In all these techie awards (which I don't understand why they aren't given out at the Techie Oscars for all the behind the scenes people who rarely see daylight - and hilariously always feature a host that is a hot young actress - gotta know your audience) I'm going with The Hurt Locker when possible 'cause fuck James Cameron.

BEST SONG - Randy Newman is back! But will loose to T-Bone Burnett for his Crazy Heart song. Why? Because it's T-Bone Burnett one of the greatest living music producers and singer/writer of one of my favorite songs, Earlier Baghdad (The Bounce). I heard it unplugged on the radio and almost cried because it was so wonderful. Also, his name is T-Bone. Sweeeeet.

BEST MAKE-UP AND COSTUME - I'm not usually good at this sort of thing because I think they all look great. I love costumes....sigh.

BEST ART DIRECTION and SOUNDTRACK - I'm going with my gut and saying Sherlock Holmes because yes I liked the movie but one of the first things I thought was wow, what a great soundtrack and the art direction is spot on. Even if you hate RDJ (how?! why?!) and think the plot is stupid (it isn't) you'll really like the feeling of the entire movie - it's technically very good and should get the recognition it deserves. That and Guy Ritchie survived a marriage to Madonna. Good for you!

BEST SCREENPLAY (ORIGINAL) - Give it to Taratino. He'll give the best speech.....Mother fucker.

BEST SCREENPLAY (ADAPTED) - I love that Nick Horby is nominated. Top 5! Good job. But I freaking loved In the Loop and thought it was one of the most well written, clever scripts in a really long time. The only reason it hasn't done better, I guess, is that it's super, super political and British (the Scottish guy gets pissed at an American because he called him English - my boyfriend and I agreed that most people didn't get it) which I guess turns people off. Yes, I know you have to listen to what they're saying and follow the dialogue and not just look at the pretty blue people. It's soooo hard. Idiots.

BEST DIRECTOR - If Cameron gets this I'll throw something at the TV. Not joking. Kathryn Bigelow will get it because the Academy will looooove themselves for finally giving it to a woman. Honestly, a woman has never won this award and looking back I can't think of any who deserved it. I think people are also thrown off that a woman could direct a war movie and not some rom-com or Beaches type thing. Yes, all us woman like to do it watch weepy movies.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR AND ACTRESS - Mo'Nique (I loath stupid spellings of names. LOATH it) and Waltz. Duh. Although Woody Fucking Harrelson (don't get it. Rent Zombieland) is awesome and I would like to have a drink with him (Cheers? Cheers? Anyone? Nevermind).

BEST ACTOR - Again, duh. The Dude. The Dude for President/Leader of the Universe. Jeff Bridges is one of the coolest people on the planet and will be in Tron 2. Seriously. He's 60 and will be in Tron 2. Awesome.

BEST ACTRESS (breaking it down):

• Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) - Sorry Mom but fuck Sandra Bullock. Seriously. I'm not even kidding when I say she's in some of the most mediocre (if not awful) movies of the last 15 years and when the Blind Side ads came out saying she'd be nominated for an Oscar we all laughed and laughed because it's Saundra Bullock. Watching her try to be serious (Infamous, Crash, etc.) is painful. Cross my heart painful. Yes, she's very sweet and sometimes says funny things but no, no, no. She's like Julia Roberts - everyone loves her but me and I'm left standing there thinking, I just don't get it. But she might get it because in the last few years the Academy has decided to give it to pretty, popular actresses who make one okay, over dramatic movie out of a career of crap (ie: Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Helen Hun, Gwyneth Paltrow and to a lesser extent Reese Witherspoon - who was in Election so I can't hate her)
  
• Helen Mirren (The Last Station) - The What Station? Huh? Was this movie released in more than two theaters?
• Carey Mulligan (An Education) - Winner. Yep, I know, I'm going for the unknown. I think she'll pull an Adrien Brody and upset all the more established actors. She'll also uphold the time honored tradition of the next movie the Best Actress winner is in will suck by appearing in Wall Street 2 (no, I'm not making that up). She's also elegant and a cutie and I generally like her even if she's dating Shia LaBeouf (when did he stop appearing in fun indie movies - ie: The Battle of Shaker Heights - and become a dick? I would like to know the exact moment. Signing the Transformers contract? Yes, that has to be it)
  
• Gabourey Sidibe (Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire) - Have you heard this girl speak? She's is one of the funniest, most well spoken actresses I've heard. Her smile makes me happy. I would love to see her win...but she won't.
• Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia) - Do you think she's tired on being nominated? I do. She wasn't even paying attention when they were reading her name at the Golden Globes. She was reading something with her husband. Ha! If Mulligan don't get it I think Streep will. She's likable and a great actress who has proven she can do any role.

(and finally) BEST PICTURE (breaking it down, again) (PS: I dig the ten movies idea but it's a shame it started up in a year that sucked for movies)

• Avatar - Boo.
  
• The Blind Side - Bleh.
  
• District 9 - Dorks rejoice!
• An Education - Nope.
• The Hurt Locker - Yep.
• Inglorious Basterds - Ineligible for spelling error.
• Precious - Spent too much time crying - no one actually saw the movie
• A Serious Man - Not a snowballs chance in hell (see below)
  
• Up - Too cute.
  
• Up in the Air - Boring.

Anyone who has half a brain and isn't blind/deaf/dumb/can't-play-a-mean-pinball knows that A Serious Man was the best movie last year. Hands down. Like, nothing came close to it. Well written, great, natural acting, beautifully shot and a subtle, intelligent script with a hell of an ending. Coen brothers=gods. Ends of story.
RECAP:
In the Loop and Serious Man - Best movies of 2009
Up - Cute and sad.
Where the Wild Things Are - NO NOMINATIONS!?!?
Avatar - Blow me.
Hosts - Eh.
RDJ - future husband.
Carey Mulligan - get new boyfriend.
Best Cameo in a Motion Picture - Zombieland

Well, that's it.Thanks for sticking with this craziness. I'll be chowing down on some pizza leftovers and veggie chili in Baltimore. See you next week to report on the awesomeness known as jury duty. Ta kids!



(good luck goober!)