.i’m going to get me.

.somebody to measure.

.your baby.

Seriously?
Who thought this was good idea?
Hey, Bob, let's destroy the world today!
Okay Jim!

And this is why God hates us.

I took advanced biology instead of physics in high school and I'm still slightly confused about this and what it really means. It just seems like a multi-billion dollar waste of time.

.you got to find.

Apparently people in the rest of the world don't find a bimbo from the snow with too many guns and stupid children as adorable as we all do.

Seriously, I won't even mention it's name.
Fuck that woman.
Fuck her.
Fuck everyone seduced by her.
You look her in the eye and you'll turn into Karl Rove's panties (the period kind!)

(for this image, you're welcome!)

.half puerto rican chinese.

I am a piece of
political shit
(down Andre Serranos! down!).

it's tuesday
and i didn't vote.

I am such a schlub.

I went for a walk Sunday (a great walk!)
and was
bombarded
by flyers and such
but Paul Newell was the only one
I came across
who was actually standing there
shaking hands,
explaining policies
and generally being a nice guy
(although, in an awful suit! maybe his new job will pay him more).

I wanted to vote for you Paul!

But I thought,
hey, i'll vote after work.

Did I?
No, I left work at 6, went to a 6:30 lecture,
got out late
(apparently I have no sense of time today)
and farted around with some people from school
until I got home too late!

I'm so sorry Paul!
*cries*
PAAAAUUUULLLLLLLL

***************************************

UPDATED: PAUL!!!! I'm sorry! But 25% - that's pretty good for a 33 year old against one of the most powerful men in the state! You go little guy!

And Kevin Powell - I want to think you're cool as you relate to the good days of television in my very young youth, but I still find you annoying. You'll never outrun that argument with Julie, will you? I still think it's a classic moment in TV history. Sorry Kevin, I'll never see past that.

.for your pleasure.

Astroland
and
Rent
closed this weekend.

I'm not a Renthead
nor did I really like Astroland
(come on! it was lame and dirty and the employees were creepy! jump off the band wagon!)
nor have I been in New York long
but I felt like
a little piece of New York
died.

.she stands right there.

i thought today would be
awesome
or
different,
but it wasn't!

Why?

When I walked outside this morning,
there was
Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie
filming
(as y'all know)
Flight of the Conchords
one of the funniest shows....
ever!

I couldn't stop and watch,
I was late for work.
I should have said,
"Fuck, this is going to be a shit day at work, I'm gonna go be friends with some New Zealanders"
(and they have been
everywhere in my
neighborhood
everywhere!)

but I went to work.
It sucked.
Damnit!

(from exploding dog)

.bank rolled up on your sock.

....The scene from my mail box yesterday (Friday, the 5th)

Apparently, if you had
no idea
and lived in the 64th congressional district,
Sheldon "Shelly" Silver is (oddly) facing
opposition
for his seat as assemblymen.

He is also the Speaker of the Assembly in Albany.

I don't really
know
what he's done for the area
lately.

I just know
every
single
day
my mailbox is
flooded with election material.

But I am the Lorax, and I speak for the trees.

.in front of the east coast.

Again, I don't know if this is talked about as much in the rest of the world but the number one topic conversation from Friday, through the weekend and into today is VPILF. The fact that everyone is calling her VPILF just shows the complete lack of respect she is receiving from the country. On that note....

RE: VP Pick
Dear John McCain,

Thanks! (you fucking hypocrite)

Love (Love, love, LOVE),
The Democrats

PS: Nancy and Howard say hi but you'll see them all over the place soon anyway.

What is this magical piece of heaven you have sent us in the form of a governor from the largest state in the country? Seriously, what the fuck is she and what planet did she come from? She's like, Ted Nugent's dream girl (okay, maybe she's like 20 years too old but still). I don't need to talk about how she doesn't know what the Vice President does, how she's hiding her teenage daughters first child as her own (OMG! maybe her daughter and Jamie Lynn Spears could be BFFs), how she has less experience than my left butt check, how she has the most annoying voice ever, how she's being used like a cheap whore to win the female vote (nothing says I relate to most women like hunting and letting your teenage daughter get pregnant - I don't understand the reasoning that we should applaud these people for not getting abortions, pro-choicers don't advocate having abortions all over the place just because. And if her daughter did have an abortion it's none of our god damn business!), is living in a state who's addition to the country is still questioned - I mean, Hawii is like, pretty, and looks like an evil teacher one would have in 1st grade. I won't talk about those things, everyone else has already.

To be honest, I would be shocked if she was still the pick by the end of this month. I have feeling, the "I need to stay and keep care of my family" excuse might come into play but the bitch seems more ambitious than Hillary Clinton, so we'll see.

I'm also enjoying Bristol Palin's baby's daddy's MySpace recap found here and here. What a catch! He seems like the type who has fathered half the children in the county.

UPDATED: This is seriously all anyone is New York is talking about. Walking to lunch I did not hear a single conversations (sans the mystery ones in Spanish) that wasn't about this. And not in a Dark Knight sort of way but in a smug, fuck yeah the Democrats have it made sort of way. Even a photographer who is having his book published by us and is traveling around the world only wanted to talk about this! We've all come to the conclusion that abstinence education has the reverse effect. Telling teenagers to ignore their insanely strong instincts is dumb. Sex and hormones and the word "no". Need I say more?


OTHER FUN NEWS:
- Giggle, he's so cute!
- This indicates how bored people can get and easily they can get amused.
- Even the fashion world is following the amount of the dollar - one day it won't cost an entire year's salary to visit my favorite city.
- What a great non-NY Post headline.
- .Also in fashion, look how freaking awesome Todd Oldham's Old Navy collection is. Fuck Top Design, give me these clothes
- I mean, who thought this would be a bad idea? Oh, EVERYONE!

(i'm so happy i cried)

Obama: FUCK YEAH!!!!

.whizzin' on down.

The person who thought of the Queens
house numbering system,
is the same person who thought of the
B&H Photo system.

Neither makes much sense.

.there on the block.

Filed under:
things I do not understand.

WYNC was having a
one day
pledge drive
on Tuesday.

A foundation promised
to double (or something like that)
every dollar people donated.
Now,
why doesn't the foundation
(with it's probably
super rich
trustees)
just give twice as much?
Why ask average people
(although, yeah, the WNYC listener is
probably
a little better off than
most people)
to donate,
especially during a recession
when you damn well have the money in the
first place?

I do no understand this.
Please explain why
I
a listener
has to give money I don't have.


......I'm waiting.

.to that drag bar.

POLITICO:
(1)
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
I hope John McCain picks Tom Ridge
for his running mate.

Total disaster.

He's going for the PA vote,
but people in PA hate Ridge now.
He suggested suffocating ourselves in our
own homes
to protect us from terror.
And he's rainbow-tastic!

Genius!

(2)
"I could be your human lollipop"
He could,
just
look
at
him.

.out of the cinema fourteen.

I went for an amazing walk on Saturday morning.
Here it is with points and stories.

.well you spill.

This is my face today:


I could hypnotize people the freakish deformities on my face. Fuck!
I case you have no idea about the image above, watch here.

.down down downtown.

My comments regarding an article in New York magazine interviewing two people who live in the same area that I do:
(click to enlarge)

A. "Whole Paycheck" *slaps knees* OMG! That is like, totally funny! You should do stand up!

Actually, for the brands they carry, Whole Foods offers the best price than other places. So, you know.

B. Stop 1 Deli - yeah, you can get booze for cheap, if you're wearing a low-cut top, skirt and are willing to be leered at beyond any amount that a human should be subjected to. I sorta look young and I can just say, Yeah! I'm 23! and it works. Good thing I actually am.

C. This place offers organic, healthy or some fucking shit like that Chinese food. I don't doubt it's good but seriously, if you want Chinese food why would you pay 40 times as much for non-greasy food? That's the best part of Chinese food - it's bad for you and sooooo good. Go to Six Happy Kitchen down the block for a million dumplings for like 5 bucks.

D. Flowers Cafe is a "cute" place with nice people but the food is mediocre and I keep thinking it won't be but it always is.

E. Valley actually is pretty sweet. The clothes are overpriced and the shop girls are little annoying but nails and wax are fab!

F. Again, that's very true. It's not really a park but rather a street with some swings and a library.

G. Fuck that hipster store. No one is ever in there. Why did they decide to open here?

H. All those galleries in the area suck balls with crap art. And exactly the point she brought up is why: they took up the space where Flickers was - again, annoying hipsters worked there but it was some seriously awesome fresh coffee.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. I had no idea, honestly, that Fine Far accepted cash and not just food stamps. I've never seen edible fruit or vegetable in there but god damn! they have 15 different types of Oreos!

2. This is worst than the Rite-Aid on McMechen Street in Baltimore and that's saying a lot.

3. Agreed. But it is the most unsettlingly clean deli on Delancey.

4. I might get shot by a gang of native New Yorkers but I do not think Kossar's Bialys is that great. It's better than grocery store bagels but I still like Bob's Bagel on University.

.we’re all going.

Chinese mafia? Whaaaat? No, I'm kidding. They run all of Chinatown. Really. Every Chinatown bus too.

.c'mon honey.

Today, about
70%
of the time I passed
members of the opposite sex
I've been harassed.

Seriously, stop it.

I'm wearing baggy jeans
and a vest;
I look like a little boy.

I heard a story today
on NPR
about domestic abuse workshops
and trying to help men understand
and respect
for women.
At the program the woman said
(to a group of mostly black and Hispanic men),
"When a police officer says
Good Morning
to you, do you honestly think he wants to
know
if you're having a good morning?"

It's abusive.
I refuse to feel unsafe
in open, public areas.

In conclusion:
FUCK OFF!

(image from here)

.boy and you relax.

I walked from
work
to the Broadway/Lafayette
subway station
yesterday.

There was a huge crowd
around
W. Houston & Wooster
with some
occasional screaming.

I groaned,
NYU must be having
an orientation
or something.

No, I was wrong.

There were hundreds
of small girls
with
Mrs. Jonas
t-shirts
apparently waiting
for the three
like
totally
super
cute
Jonas Brothers to appear.

I had no idea these
three
existed
until, eh, maybe two months ago.

Seriously, at one point
I think
I was thrown in the line.

Again, seriously, WTF?
And I couldn't bring
myself
to post a photo of them
on this blog.

(But I think if I was in high school right now I would have secret crush on Nick and pretend like I didn't)

.sit right there.

QUESTIONS ANSWERED and OTHER THOUGHTS:
1. No, although I live in New York I do not know what the Montauk Monster is. I have no theories. It's not like a New York secret that we're keeping from the rest of the world. I really have stopped caring after ralphing my lunch after seeing it. Whatever it is, we're all looking at a gross dead animal carcass.

2. Please stop asking me if I adopted Princess Chunk/Powder. Along with the Montauk Monster, I am so over this. My attention span has shortened at a massive rate. Why? Because everything in New York is blown out of proportion and over exposed to the point of nausea.

3. I was in Queens yesterday. The social, hipster scale now stands at first Queens is massively cool and hipstery, then Manhattan because it's so cool it got uncool and is now, you know, whatever (my living there actually garnered the response: Oh that's cool. What?!? Like, no one lives there anymore and it is now awesomel) and then Brooklyn, because it is so over. Staten Island and the Bronx have yet to be properly territorialized with boutiques and Thai restaurants. What is it with hipsters and Thai food? I don't get it. I have yet to have a Thai meal in New York better than mediocre.

4. Why is it that like, every week there's a new rating system for the subway? People love complaining about how their line is worst. How it's the dirtiest, slowest, smelliest, etc. I'm over it. I've been in the city only a little more than a year and I'm used to it. Sometimes a car is air conditioned, sometimes it isn't. I like joking and complaining about little misadventures, but seriously, I'm on the fucking train for an hour of my life every god damn day of the week. It's gonna suck. Get over it.

5. At least it's not this.

6. Does the New York Times think I'm that stupid or is the Con Ed bill just that hard to read? I pick the former.

7. To the fat guy, shoving donuts in his mouth while at the same time searching through his crap for his Metrocard this morning: You do not have the right to be blobbily standing there, shoving donuts in your mouth at the turnstile and yell "Hold it! Hold the train!". No. You do not get that right.

8. Escalators. Keep walking when they end. This has happened to me for the past week. I do not understand. Escalators were invented 149 years ago and are probably in every country in this world. It's not a hard concept. It's the opposite of a hard concept. Like moving sidewalks at the airport. Very, very, very easy to understand.

9. Coffee machine is back at work. Rejoice.

10. This is actually funny.

11. And I haven't watched the national news in over a week and I think I'm in a better state of mind for it.

12. Easy as pie....