.right off his perch.

Dear People of New York/The Earth,
1) No, I do not eat a ton of Chinese food because I like in Chinatown. Have you walked around the real Chinatown? Nothing is in English and I'm a vegetarian - bad combination. I actually eat a lot of Mexican food which is delivered by Chinese people. But thanks for asking (?)

and

2) I know I have a big fat ass. You don't have to tell me. You definitely don't have to yell it to me across 8th Avenue and have everyone on the street turn and look at it. But thanks for the thought (?)